


A Parent's Love

by PotterheadAvengerDemigod, theAbandoned_Grimoire



Series: Yin and Yang [7]
Category: The Founder of Diabolism, The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 魔道祖师 | Módào Zǔshī (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Mythology, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Cute, Deities, Domestic Fluff, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gods, Kinda?, Legends, M/M, Meet-Cute, Meeting the Parents, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Mythological AU, Mythology - Freeform, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Protective Parents, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, kind of lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-25 07:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19740892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotterheadAvengerDemigod/pseuds/PotterheadAvengerDemigod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/theAbandoned_Grimoire/pseuds/theAbandoned_Grimoire
Summary: Wei Wuxian's shijie had been blessed with a child, and wouldn't it be absolutely delightful if little Jin Ling were to take after him? A much better possibility then if he were to take after Jiang Cheng or the peacock Jin Zixuan, really. Plus, A-Yuan would have a little brother now, and there was nothing better then seeing his little sunshine smile.(Except seeing Lan Wangji smile, maybe.)





	1. Chapter 1

His shijie and that peacock of her husband have been blessed with a child.

  
As the child of two immortal parents, tiny Jin Ling too inherits immortality- and thus, Wuxian is able to touch him without any problems. Good thing too, because he highly doubts he’d be able to bear it if he could only watch from the sidelines while others squish those chubby white cheeks.

Ahem.

Still, the birth had been a private affair, and Wuxian hadn’t really wanted to scare anyone by being there.

(He’s fully aware of customs, okay? Liking to play around didn’t make him an idiot.)

Birth signified new life, and as the god of death, not only would it be inappropriate, but also tantamount to ill wishes or a curse for him to be present. He could never wish for such a thing on his shijie, and so he chose to stay away.

The celebration of Jin Ling’s first month is an entirely different story, however.

Both families have been invited, the god of death notes absently, but the Jiangs far outnumber the Jins, who are represented only by Madam Jin and Lord Jin Guangshan. On the other side of the room sits Uncle Jiang Fengmian, Madam Yu Ziyuan, Jiang Cheng, and Wei Wuxian himself.

Oddly enough, Shijie has also invited Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji, who are not yet present, but he’s hardly about to complain - it means he’ll get to see the god of life again, and maybe even Wen Yuan, if he’s lucky enough. After all, Lan Wangji brings Wen Yuan everywhere, or so he’s heard from Huaisang.

But finally, Wuxian gets to have more impressionable children to influence- wouldn't Shijie be proud if her son turned out like him? At least it would be better than if little Jin Ling turned out like Jiang Cheng! Or, heaven forbid, like his peacock father. Wuxian shudders a little at the thought. Definitely not, it was too terrifying a possibility to consider.

As the paternal grandfather of the infant, Jin Guangshan is the first one after Shijie and Jin Zixuan with the honour of holding the infant, and even as Wuxian watches, said god only cradles his firstborn grandson for all of five seconds before handing Jin Ling back to Shijie, smiling a smarmy, oily smile. “Ah, my apologies, dearest daughter-in-law, I’m afraid that I do have to go now. Duty calls, the life of a god is always busy, you know how it is, prayers and offerings and people visiting our temples- urgent business, of course, you understand-”

Then Jin Guangshan hurries out of the room without another word.

Madam Jin sighs, and shakes her head. There is a tired resignation in her eyes, but Wuxian knows that any pity shown will only be rejected with anger instead.  
"I will follow him," she says, rolling her eyes. "No doubt he's going to screw over some virgin mortal princess' life, I'll see what I can do to mitigate."

She leaves in much less of a hurry than her husband did, and slowly the atmosphere of the room lightens again, the other guests beginning to make small talk once again.

Wuxian decides to skip the formalities and head straight to see Jin Ling. The little child is playing with a furry lifelike toy, and while he normally would have no protests, the toy is a replica of a _dog._

It is a dog, and it’s one that he can’t kill, so he can only scream for help.

“Jiang Cheng-!! Dog, _dog,_ there’s a dog, help, Jiang Cheng, help, I don’t want to die-”

Yanli moves first, immediately moving to stand before Jin Ling’s crib and directly blocking the offending animal from Wuxian’s view. It’s by no means a foolproof solution, but she needs to coax her son into giving her the toy first. The goddess turns a disapproving gaze on her husband; she distinctly remembers telling him to lock the dogs in the yard while her brothers are around, after all.

Admonished, Jin Zixuan only rubs the back of his head awkwardly. Before the guests arrived, Jin Ling had been making a fuss, and refused to quieten down. At that time, he had grabbed the nearest toy, forgetting about his brother-in-law’s fear of dogs.

“It’s just a toy, Wei Wuxian, what the fuck!” The god of war yells, but tries to remove the toy from Jin Ling. “You can’t even die!” Jiang Cheng succeeds after a ‘game’ of tug, but causes the child to shriek, much to the frustration of his parents.

Neither Jiang Fengmian or Yu Ziyuan say anything, though the latter sniffs dismissively. Both are aware of the traumatic fear their adoptive son holds for dogs, but in a home that is not theirs, neither is willing to speak.

“Jin Ling wants a toy, right? Just a toy? Ok, ok, I can handle this-” Frantically scrambling, Wuxian reaches out and with a flare of power, tears open a portal in space. Grabbing the first fluffy thing in his backyard, he tosses it in the direction of the child. Anything fluffy would have to suffice; he wasn’t willing to take the risk that the child would grab another toy _dog._ It was bad enough that Jiang Cheng was still holding the dastardly thing, please don’t let them bring another one in!

The white fluff ball was sent flying through the air, uncurling only when it lands in Jin Zixuan’s hands. Nose twitching, the blindfolded rabbit tilts its head, messenger bag still strapped to its tiny form.

“Wei Wuxian,” the god of archery asks, perplexed. “Did you just try to throw your zombie rabbit at my son?” He should be annoyed, really - by all rights, he should - but he was just too confused. What was happening, and why was it always Wei Wuxian?

“Excuse you, he’s better than a dog!” The god of death pouts. “He’s soft, fluffy, carries letters, tracks people, and he doesn’t bite! And I can actually touch him, thank you very much!”

“...” Your standards are very odd, Zixuan wants to say, but hesitates. His wife is smiling at him, and he knows her well enough to recognise that she will be quite unhappy if he scares Wei Wuxian any more then he (unintentionally) already has. Thankfully, Jin Ling is comforted by the peace offering of a messenger zombie rabbit, and his shrill cries stop.

It’s then that Jiang Cheng lifts the toy, however. “What am I supposed to do with this, throw it out a window?”

As well intentioned as his actions are, it draws Wuxian’s attention back to the toy, and he panics once more. He’s about to scream when a fire spirit announces the arrival of Zewu-Jun and Han Guang-Jun, and something just clicks. “Lan Zhan!!” Wuxian yells, uncaring of however much attention he drew - his reputation really couldn’t get any worse, anyway. “Lan Zhan, help- dog- Save me!!”

Jiang Cheng immediately hurls the toy dog out of the nearest window. To hell with the consequences, he could fish it up later.

Unknown to most, Wei Wuxian had been exchanging letters with Lan Wangji more frequently (with the occasional smudged letter from Wen Yuan, who was learning to write), and while letters weren’t really a good substitute for face to face communication, neither party had been restrained with the information they shared on paper. At the very least, they had gotten closer, even if it was definitely different from being able to spontaneously tease Lan Wangji or randomly hug or plant Wen Yuan in the ground.

What? His little boy was nature, and plants need soil, water and sunlight to grow.

Rapid footsteps approach, and the various immortals in the room stand, ready to greet the visitors. Expecting two figures in white and blue (or at least, a Han Guang-Jun barging into the room), it’s little wonder that silence falls as a tiny blur of white speeds into the room like a missile, making a beeline for the god of death. Wuxian himself is distracted by the loud cry of “Mama saved!!”, even as Wen Yuan all but tackles his legs and clings tightly, offering up a bright smile.

He blinks, and blinks again, and _no,_ he’s not crying or tearing up - definitely not! The god does lift his baby boy up, however, and hugs Wen Yuan close; it’s been literal _months_ since they’ve last seen each other and it feels like an eternity. To know that his baby boy rushed over just because he had called for help, well, who wouldn’t be touched?

The whole ‘mama’ thing is new, though.

But Wuxian rolls with it, as he always does. After all, it’s a perfectly good opportunity to mess with everyone present, especially the cursed dog is gone, and he can’t wait to see Jiang Cheng _flip._ “My precious baby boy, how have you been? Did your father take good care of you?”

There are sounds of choking, coughs and enraged splutters from the other gods and goddesses present in the room, and Wuxian hides his grin by kissing the top of A-Yuan’s head. Mission success!

Now if only old man Lan Qiren were here... He really wanted to know if he could give the god of paperwork a heart attack. Or maybe Lan Qiren would make another rule, as he always does: No joking about the parentage of an immortal child. It wouldn’t be the first one Wuxian has caused him to add, but it would be Wen Yuan’s (unintentional) second, and such achievement deserved rewards!

Ah well, there was always next time.

The gods of knowledge and life enter the room right then, formal greetings dropped in light of the undignified staring from both families. “Oh my. Wangji, is there something I should know about?” Lan Xichen asks mildly, but receives no reply other than a blink and an “Mn.” It’s not obvious to anyone except the brother reader that Lan Wangji is in truth very confused, and so the god of knowledge concludes that this sudden happy revelation of ‘fatherhood’ is but another prank.

Well, as far as Wei Wuxian’s pranks go, this one really is rather mild. Though, adopting a child before marriage? The order seems a little wrong, but if it makes Wangji happy, he has no objections. “I see,” Xichen hums, and that’s all that’s said on the matter.

The Jiangs don’t take the revelation quite as well, however. If the god of knowledge himself wasn’t aware… who was?

“Wei Wuxian! When the fuck did you get pregnant?!” Jiang Cheng roars, flipping over his cup of tea. Simultaneously, Yu Ziyuan twitches, and storm clouds began to gather outside the Carp Tower, thunder and lightning imminent. “When the fuck did you get married!?”

Jiang Yanli only smiles, hiding a laugh behind a sleeve of pale purple. “Congratulations, A-Xian, Han Guang-Jun,” she chirps, “I don’t suppose you’d let me throw a celebration for the little one?”

* * *

When the uproar has mostly died down, Wuxian finally gets a bit of quiet time with the boy who was formerly his charge. Booping Wen Yuan on the nose, the god of death narrows his eyes, squinting at the child. “Right, I’m not angry, but I want to know if it was a prank. Who told you to call me mama?”

The child blinks, but clings more tightly after the boop. “Above ground- I saw other children calling for their mamas,” is the explanation. “So I thought... Xian-gege…” Wen Yuan turns wet grey eyes on the god of death, biting his lower lip. “Is-- is that not okay?”

How could anyone say no?

Wuxian immediately caves, hugging Wen Yuan - his child - tight. “My precious A-Yuan, of course you can call me mama!” Wen Qing was definitely going to murder him for this, but it couldn’t be helped; he could never deny Wen Yuan anything. And if it made his precious boy happy, there could only be one answer - an immediate ‘yes’.

Wen Yuan lights up, and even though they aren’t on soil, the small blooms force their way up through the wooden floorboards. Ahh, how could anyone ever say no to this precious child?

“Okay, Mama! Mama, I missed you!”

Wuxian has to consciously will himself not to melt into a puddle of shadow. It’s been ages since he last felt so out of control of his powers, but clearly Wen Yuan was some kind of special, unique being that could never be replicated.

A-Yuan tugs on his sleeve then, a concerned, “Mama?” falling from his lips.

Wuxian reaches down to heft the boy into his arms, ruffling his hair. “Yes, A-Yuan?”

“Um… Mama’s feet are…”

Wuxian’s gaze drops down, and instead of his usual black boots, the only black he sees is the black of murky shadow.

Oops.

Of course, that’s when a fire spirit hurtles into the room, screeching to a halt in front of Wuxian. “Young Master! Mistress Yanli would like to request your presence in the main room, she is-”

Wuxian is already headed in the direction of his shijie before the spirit is finished.

When he gets to the main room, he opens the door to pitch black, with the purple lightning of Zidian just barely lighting up one corner of the room, and two cupped handfuls of fire from Uncle Jiang and Shijie.

He can barely see anything else but Shijie’s and Uncle Jiang’s faces, but it is just enough for him to see the relief that lights up Shijie’s face.

“Ah! A-Xian, if you could-”

 _Major_ oops.

Wuxian barely stops himself from smacking his forehead with his own palm, snapping his fingers to dispel the darkness that has enveloped the room. He smiles sheepishly. “Ah… Sorry, Shijie! I… I swear I didn’t mean to, I was just-”

“Wei Wuxian!”

Oh, damn, it’s Madam Yu.

“You are _millennia_ too old to be losing control of your powers, what kind of god are you? I can’t believe you- _you are a disgrace to this family!”_

Wuxian has to remind himself that rolling his eyes would just make Madam Yu angrier. Really, he feels like he should be upset at being called a disgrace, but honestly, disgrace was probably Madam Yu’s favourite word. The only person he’d never heard her calling a disgrace before was Shijie, and Shijie was too perfect for words.

Still, his lack of reaction is made up for by the way he sees Lan Wangji’s eyes narrow, the way his aura grows cold around him, as if instead of giving out life, he’s taking it all back, and Wuxian shivers.

Taking life is _his_ job, damn it!

He all but teleports himself to Lan Wangji’s side, slinging an arm around his shoulder and prodding at his cheeks with one long finger. “Ah, ah, Lan Zhan! Don’t look so upset, it’ll give your pretty face wrinkles!”

Lan Wangji’s aura lightens up, but only by a little, and Wuxian pouts. Fine, time to use his secret weapon, then.

He all but shoves A-Yuan from his arm into Lan Wangji’s, grinning wide. “A-Yuan, go, make your father smile!”

Vaguely, he registers that Madam Yu is still yelling, but that pales in comparison to the way Wen Yuan immediately takes his cue from Wuxian’s statement, clinging bodily to Lan Wangji and smiling wide, chubby hands tugging lightly at Lan Wangji’s fringe.

“Papa smile!” He cheers, poking at Lan Wangji’s cheeks until his lips are forcibly pulled into a bad imitation of a smile.

Wuxian bursts into laughter. Truly, Wen Yuan is far too much like him for someone who wasn’t even related to him in the slightest- he had thought the time spent with Lan Wangji would turn his baby into a mini Han Guang-Jun, but clearly A-Yuan was still his ridiculous self.

Lan Wangji shifts Wen Yuan in his arms such that the boy is supported by one arm, and slowly lifts the other to tug gently at Wen Yuan’s hands.

“Disrespectful to seniors,” he chastises, but Wuxian is close enough to see the way the forced smile dims into a more genuine, if very slight, one.

Wuxian’s heart pounds in his chest. Lan Wangji? Smiling? Divine forces be blessed, it was such a rare sight that Wuxian felt like the luckiest person alive every time he saw it happen.

Then the moment is shattered by a piercing cry, and everyone’s gaze swivels to the cot in the center of the room, where Jin Ling is fussing up a storm. His little fists wiggle their way out of his blankets and wave furiously in the air. His little, smushed features are scrunched into a scowl, and his face is red, almost inhumanly so.

Wuxian giggles. “Little master already not liking it when the attention isn’t on him, huh?”

Beside him, Wen Yuan begins wriggling in Lan Wangji’s arms, and said god sets the boy down on the ground before he can force his way out.

The moment he’s let down, Wen Yuan makes a beeline for Jin Ling’s cot, standing on his tiptoes to peer down at the infant. Wen Yuan stares, wide-eyed, at Jin Ling as if noticing him for the first time, then turns those wide eyes on Wuxian.

“Mama,” he begins, and his voice is hushed with awe. “Mama, look, A-Yuan has a little brother now-”

Wuxian immediately tears up, his heart melting in his chest. Even the way Jiang Cheng begins choking in the background can’t detract from the moment. “Well, Jin Ling would actually be your cousin, but… If you want to call him your brother, go ahead! No one’s stopping you!”

At his side, Lan Wangji stiffens. “Wei Ying,” the golden-eyed god murmurs, “Wei Ying, he is-”

Lan Xichen laughs softly, and smiles. “I believe Wangji is right, Young Master Wei. Perhaps it would not be the best idea to allow Lan Yuan to call Jin Ling brother without his parents’ prior agreement.”

_Lan Yuan?_

Wei Wuxian blinks. Since when did- did Wen Ning and Wen Qing agree to this? This was _blatant child stealing,_ how dare Lan Wangji steal A-Yuan from him- ahhh, A-Yuan was _his_ little baby, how could Lan Wangji betray him like this?

“Brother.” Lan Wangji’s tone is flat, but there is a slight narrowing of his eyes, which Wuxian barely catches.

Lan Xichen just laughs again. “Ah, my apologies, Wangji, it was merely a slip of the tongue.”

Really? Really? Wei Wuxian squints, peering at the god of knowledge. He didn’t trust that statement. Pouting, the god of death clings to Wen Yuan, paying no heed to the surprise on everyone’s faces. “My son,” Wuxian insists. “You can’t steal him from me!”

(There’s a tiny “Mama?” from his son, who sounds more confused than upset at the sudden show of possessiveness, but Wuxian hushes the boy with forehead kisses and hugs. He’s fully willing to share his little sunshine, of course, but stealing his child?  
No. Just… no.)

"My apologies, Young Master Wei, I did not mean- no one is stealing La- A-Yuan from you." Lan Xichen is clearly pacifying him, but it’s genuine and Wuxian is surprised to find himself actually mollified. Thankfully, the god of knowledge used the diminutive and not Wen Yuan’s actual name, or his parentage joke would be torn apart faster then one could scream ‘Jiang Cheng’.

“Mama,” Wen Yuan calls again, even as he tugs at Wuxian’s robes with a tiny pout and- be still his heart! Surely it was illegal for his son to be this cute? - “Can A-Yuan not call him brother?”

Oh no.

Helpless, Wuxian can only look at his shijie and Jin Zixuan. He wants to say yes, but Zewu-Jun had a point (when does he never?), and it would be terribly rude to immediately agree.

Shijie's laugh is gentle, but loud enough to reach Wuxian's ears. "A-Xian, I would never deny any child of yours anything."

Ahh, Shijie really is the best, isn't she? There's a reason anyone who ever met her was immediately in love.

But… Jin Ling is not _just_ Shijie's son, and as much as Wuxian likes to poke fun at Jin Zixuan, family is something that Wuxian can respect.

It really _would_ be terribly rude of him to ignore Jin Ling's parentage. And… Shijie would be sad, probably.

So he finds himself turning his gaze on Jin Zixuan, question in his gaze.

Said god's expression pinches, but his gaze falls on the two children in the middle of the room, with A-Yuan still visibly fawning over Jin Ling, and Wuxian sees the moment he relents.

Jin Zixuan sighs, and nods.

_Yes!_

"Okay!" Wuxian says, clapping his hands together in delight. "A-Yuan, precious child of mine, you have permission to call Jin Ling brother now! Go forth and be free, child!"

"I was just about to say that at least I managed to slap _some_ manners into you as a child," Madam Yu says, brow furrowed. "But considering the display we just witnessed… I’m not sure what I can say. Perhaps it is just impossible to make you into a decent person."

The crackle of thunder and the burning smell of ozone floods the room, and Jiang Cheng smashes another tea cup. “Wei Wuxian!” He roars, “what the _fuck_ are you teaching that son of yours?”

"Jiang Cheng, how _could_ you? There are _children_ here, you dare to-" Gasping, the god of death covers Jin Ling’s ears, taking pride in the way his shijie laughs. “A-Yuan, don’t follow your uncle’s bad habits, okay? Swearing is bad, your papa will agree with me.”

Jiang Cheng splutters. "Wei Wuxian, what the actual- I've been cursing since we reached here-"

"That's even worse!"

"What the f- mmph!"

"Showing a bad example for young children," Lan Wangji intones. "Should not use profanity in front of impressionable minds."

Lan Xichen makes a muffled sound that sounds strangely like a stifled laugh, and his eyes are crinkled around the corners, but the only thing he says is, "Wangji."

The god of life doesn’t reply, merely inclining his head just a fraction. Still, it’s enough for Wuxian to catch sight of the red that colours Lan Wangji’s ears, and he feels his own cheeks heat up. His chest is tight, and- is he getting _palpitations?_ His heart is beating fast, and he just- he doesn’t understand why he’s so touched, but he is.

(Lan Wangji hadn’t reacted when Jiang Cheng swore earlier. Only when Wuxian himself had spoken up, teasing the god of war, had the silencing spell been cast.)

“Ahh… Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, you really are too good to me…”

The god of life looks up to meet Wuxian’s gaze, and his face is impassive as usual. "Mn."

Wuxian swears his heart stops for a moment, and he's certain his cheeks are red, but before he can say more than an embarrassed _"Lan Zhan-",_ Jiang Cheng's voice carries over from the side of the room.

"I'm going to be sick."

* * *

"Ahh, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, do you think your uncle will give us the papers to make A-Yuan truly our kid?"

Lan Wangji's brow twitches, ever so slightly. "Uncle is-"

"I mean! Old Man Qiren _is_ the god of paperwork, after all!" Wuxian laughs, slinging an arm around Lan Wangji and grinning when the other god only stiffens for a scant moment before relaxing into the touch.

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji sighs, shutting his eyes ever so briefly. "Uncle is not- he is order and regulations, Wei Ying, there is no such thing as a god of paperwork."

Wuxian pouts. "He _is_ the god of paperwork, it's so fitting, Lan Zhan, he's all uptight and boring and annoying; he's like what paperwork would be if it had a human form!"

"Wei Ying."

"What?" Wuxian protests. "You can't tell me I'm wrong, your uncle is such a stick-in-the-mud, he wouldn't know fun if it bit him in the- _hm mhn!"_

"Disrespect to elders," Lan Wangji sighs, patting Wuxian's shoulder. "Wei Ying shouldn't be rude."

Wuxian pouts even harder, and focuses on widening his eyes pleadingly.

Lan Wangji just averts his gaze.

 _No fair!_ What use was mastering the skill of puppy-dog eyes if the person you wanted to use it on didn't even look at you?

Wuxian crosses his arms and tries to get Lan Wangji to look at him, but the other god staunchly keeps his gaze trained on where A-Yuan is playing with Jin Ling on the other side of the room, and eventually Wuxian gives up.

Lan Wangji was so _unfair._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To quote Potterhead: can't get puppydog eyed if you don't look at the puppydog eyes.  
> Ba dum tss.
> 
> [PotterheadAvengerDemigod's Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_dreamdweller/)  
> Pop over and say hi!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yu Ziyuan has a headache, and not for the first time, it's because of her two - no, _three_ disaster children. She blames dearest Fengmian, because _clearly,_ the idiocy came from his side of the family, not hers. She was completely sane, thank you very much, and she'd like to remain that way.

“Wei Wuxian,” Yu Ziyuan says, eyes shutting briefly in pure frustration. “ _ What  _ in the name of divinity do you think you’re doing, shame on you, you’re a disgrace to this family, why are you accosting the guests at my grandson’s first month celebration,  _ how  _ could we have gone so wrong raising you-”

Wei Wuxian was clearly too busy to actually pay attention to her, but Yu Ziyuan said it anyway.  _ What  _ that child ever thought, she would never know.

But then A-Li is coming to stand beside her, eyes soft as she smiles. At least one of her children was normal.

“Mother, it’s alright,” her only sensible child says. “Han Guang-Jun clearly doesn’t mind, look.”

And now that A-Li mentions it, Lan Wangji doesn’t look as annoyed as Yu Ziyuan would have expected him to be.

Maybe it wasn’t that bad, then?

“Go, A-Yuan!” Wei Wuxian exclaims then. “Make your father smile!”

_ Who  _ in their right mind would shove a child at someone else with zero warning?

Especially when that someone clearly wasn’t expecting it?

Was Wei Wuxian dropped on his head as a child?

Beside her, her other disaster child stares, horror on his face. “Seriously, when the  _ fuck  _ did Wei Wuxian get pregnant? Why was I not informed, what is this, how-”

“Um,” and that’s her poor son-in-law who clearly did not know what he had been marrying into. “I know we’re gods, but… I’m fairly certain it’s still impossible for men to get pregnant?”

Jiang Cheng stares at the other god for a long moment before shaking his head in dismay. “Listen, Jin Zixuan. Our family motto is to  _ attempt the impossible,  _ and with this fucker? Wei Wuxian  _ is  _ impossible, so  _ nothing  _ is impossible to him!  _ Nothing!” _

Jin Zixuan stares back at her second disaster child for another long moment, before A-Li pats her husband’s shoulder consolingly.

“Ah, A-Xuan, isn’t Lan Wangji the god of life, after all? Isn’t birth just a form of life?”

Yu Ziyuan blinks, and hopes that she heard wrong. A-Li couldn’t have just-

“My wife truly is the smartest, isn’t she?” Jin Zixuan says, pulling A-Li close to him. “I see, it makes sense now!”

Damn it, A-Li  _ did. Why  _ were all her children disasters?

(She blamed Fengmian. Clearly, those traits came from him, not her.)

Her second disaster child interrupts her sullen contemplation with a shout, then. “Is he smiling? Is Han Guang-Jun actually-”

Yu Ziyuan shoots her son a warning look, eyes darting quickly to Lan Xichen, who is standing close by. Jiang Cheng immediately slaps a palm over his mouth, and a quick glance at Zewu-Jun shows that the god of knowledge is, thankfully, not offended.

(Lan Xichen hums thoughtfully, concealing his smile with a sleeve and a sip of tea. “Wangji does look happy,” is all he says, though his thoughts have progressed much further. 

_ Perhaps he should look into getting adoption papers for Wangji and Wei Wuxian? And a marriage agreement, of course.) _

Yu Ziyuan is far too busy musing about her absolute mess of a family to notice when Fengmian joins them, but the moment her husband opens his mouth her attention snaps to him. He had better have  _ some  _ kind of logic in his statement-

“So,” Fengmian starts, smiling that divinity damned smile of his, the one that meant he was going to do something  _ really  _ stupid, and Ziyuan sighs preemptively. “Would A-Xian be the mother, or would that be Han Guang-Jun, then?”

_ Clearly,  _ this was proof that the idiocy came from his side of the family.

“We need to know if we’re to prepare a dowry or a bride price, of course,” Fengmian continues, still  _ smiling,  _ and Ziyuan desperately wants to hit her head on something.

Then Jiang Cheng opens his mouth, and Ziyuan wants to hit her head on something for a very different reason.

“Father,” her absolute disaster of a son says, rolling his eyes. “Wei Wuxian is  _ obviously  _ the mother. No, seriously, look at Lan Wangji, do you really think that he would ever take it up the a-”

_ “Jiang Cheng!” _

Heavens above, why was her son  _ this  _ incorrigible, what in the world was happening to the younger generation of immortals, why were they all-

_ Ugh. _

“Um. Take it up the- nether regions, I meant, yes, I definitely meant to say that, yes, Mother, sorry, Mother-”

_ Why  _ did Jiang Cheng think that she was yelling at him about the profanity? Obviously the bigger problem here was Jiang Cheng even speculating about his brother’s sex life to begin with,  _ how  _ could her only blood son be  _ this  _ much of a mess? She’d thought Wei Wuxian was bad, but clearly she had been wrong.

Ziyuan forces herself to breathe evenly through her nose, and rubs at her temples. She was the only sane one in this entire room, obviously, and the strain was truly getting to be too much. If this conversation went on any longer, no doubt she would become infected with whatever sickness had stricken the entire room, and  _ then  _ where would they be?

Then Jin Ling begins wailing, and Ziyuan breathes a sigh of not-insignificant relief as the inane chatter ceases and everyone's attention falls on the child instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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